Life. It’s hard to explain right now. Here are a few words
that might start to touch it.
Life - chaotic, perfect, clear, foggy, puzzle-piece-ish,
leaf-like, life. Chaos is everywhere.
Homework is piling up like never-ending leaves on a windy, fall day. My home is filled with a new feeling; it’s
never in the same place. Moving furniture
used to be like a once-a-month thing, but now it’s more like every day. We got
rid of a couch. Dad’s desk is in the dining-room, Demar’s room is filled with
donated suitcases. Two TV’s are gone, one is in the garage, the other is… I
don’t even know. My shelves are empty, I only have twenty books, and it seems like
the house is hatching piles of things – to – get – rid – of. At the same time, the dusty air is full of
perfection. I thank God a lot more
often, now. I talk to Him and say that
this exactly where I want to be. My
parents aren’t getting divorced, my dad hasn’t just come home from a 10-month
military tour, I have three wonderful siblings, I don’t live in an
old-person-trailer park, my dog didn’t get taken away for being aggressive, I
haven’t been to six different schools, I don’t have the pressure of being the
popular girl. No, that’s not me. I’m moving across the world, yes, even I
think it’s a crazy move, but the silver lining is that I’m actually doing it
for God. It’s clear. I know why God made me. I know I’m a writer, I
know why I care for the bully in my school, or the weird-kid that doesn’t talk
much. I know now why, from the start, a
bible has been on my bookshelf. I know
now why I love adventure. I know now
exactly why I am who I am, but it is so dang foggy. I feel like sometimes life makes me want to
put my head into my little turtle shell.
I want to push all my emotions out.
When I am confused about Guatemala or insecure, or sad, or lonely, or
shoved in the dark, or even just plain tired of all the energy life takes, I can’t
just shove it all out of my face. All of
these feelings are becoming part of me.
They are a scrape on my little turtle shell. A scrape that I will always treasure and
keep. One that even on those autumn days
when the leaves seem to never stop falling I can look all around me and think,
and know inside my heart that this is who I am. I am a part of God’s
puzzle. One little puzzle piece, one
that only paints a stroke of the picture.
Only one little mark, but in every picture the work is complete. There isn’t a hole where someone is left
out. And I am one of the pieces that makes
the puzzle complete. I am that leaf of
that sacred tree which blows in the wind.
I am a little piece, but that doesn’t stop me from completing the
picture. Life: Chotic, perfect, clear,
foggy, puzzle-piece-ish, leaf-like, life.
