Avoiding the Desert!

I have not written in a while.  I have not written because I have been avoiding something. I didn’t know how to put into words what I was avoiding, and well, I was not proud of how I felt… the feeling brought me to tears.   So I have done my best to avoid it.  Because we are away… few knew I was struggling. George could see right through me… and it frustrated him.  Why would I cry?

It has taken me over 4 ½ weeks to wrap my head around my tears. It has consumed my heart and my quiet times… which have been impossible to find.  I could blame it on the move. However the move has not been that hard.  I love it here, and do not miss Colorado.  Things are different, very different… but for me and my family a good different that we are embracing and loving.

The truth is… I have been discontent and frustrated. And if I was honest with anyone I would cry… I have been wanting more… and feeling stuck. I was not happy and finally because I asked for His help.  I felt God whisper “…stop avoiding the desert, I am providing.  You know it and you see it.” What desert you ask?  The space between today (or 4 ½ weeks ago) and the Promise Land of sorts.  It is hard to talk about because I will probably cry and it feels wrong to call what I am doing with my life right now, the desert. I am learning to find my comfort in God and His provision and not in how I feel or where I wish I was!

In the book of Exodus, the Israelites were headed to the Promise Land after being freed from slavery.  To get to the Promise Land they had to go through the desert. With each need, God was faithful.  Cloud by day, fire by night, manna and quail to name a few.  Really they had all they needed to get through the desert comfortably.  At the end of the day I don’t think they were really ever complaining about the lack of comfort… they were complaining about the desert itself.  They wanted the Promise Land.  Funny part… they had never been to the Promise Land. I really don’t think they knew what they were missing (as I don’t!)  What they did know is that they did not like the desert… simply because it was not the Promise Land.  It was not good enough… it was not what they wanted. They wanted to avoid it and get to the Promise Land or go back to slavery… how sad is that?

How does this relate to me? First, I do believe my family has been brought out of a “captivity” of sorts to Guatemala. Second of all, I know deep in my spirit and heart that He has a “Promise Land” of sorts for us here.  I am not talking a life of earthy comfort… I am speaking of a place our souls rest at peace knowing we are serving in the place and with the people that God created us to. I know this because each time I catch a glimpse… I want to cry. I tear up… I desire more.  There is a place that will feel like it is meant for us even amongst the hard days, sick mornings and crazy unbelievable sights and sounds.

Let me tell you a few of the ways God has provided during this self called “desert”.  A home… we almost missed it and then we didn’t, God had our backs and we have the home we prayed for.  It is just big enough with comfortable beds and plenty of water… hot, cold and filtered (a blessing you would understand if you lived here).  Our neighborhood is safe, reasonably quiet (aside from the dogs, roosters, and fireworks… it just wouldn’t be Guatemala without those) and it seems we mostly have Guatemalans for neighbors.  That is what we wanted! It has at least 3 tiendas (little stores… with almost everything… kind of like a 7-11 in someone’s garage… again very Guatemalan and very convent!)  Our home is less than 4 minutes from our school.  The school is small.  230ish students k-12.  Our kids all have less than 20 students in their classes.  It reminds me of Elbert School (where I grew up) only it is a Christian school.  I believe in and am thankful for the public education that we all received in Colorado… but the kids actually breathe easier knowing that every one values Christ as they do.  It is beautiful to see a bible on the supply list and watch my kids enjoy bible class.  They love their new school. I have also been blessed with a full time position at the school.  If you know me well you know I LOVE BEING WITH MY KIDS… so I spend most of my days helping all the elementary teachers however they need me to.  I am an elementary aide.  I also help in yearbook, and have been challenged to teach a photography class to middle school kids.  I suppose all of this may not seem so miraculous.  However they are blessings and just what we prayed for.  On the flip side we have seen true miracles too… not everyone gets lost in Guatemala City with their kids and finds a safe way out (a long crazy story for another day)… thank you Jesus.  And not everyone goes down a mountain side and has an urge to stop just before the steepest part only to get back in the car and find out that the brakes are gone.  God is faithful we see his mercy and protection and provision daily. 

I am just like those Isrealites. God has provided, I see it everywhere… However I know there is more and I want to be their not here. “Lord Forgive me… have mercy and please forgive me!”

Did you know that the Israelites could have shortened that 40 year trip through the desert to less than 11 days?  I think that is crazy… On a HUGE scale I have heard it said that life on earth is our desert and heaven is our Promise Land. On a small scale I feel like I am in my own little desert amongst all the amazing provision… waiting for the Promise Land. Will it take me less than 11 days or 40 years?

“Lord I thank you for the Promise Land… it keeps me pressing for more of you and your perfect will.  Lord I thank you for the desert for it is here that I know you provide!”

What I know is that it doesn’t matter if it is me, or you, or the Israelites.  You cannot get to the Promise Land without traveling through the desert! It is my prayer that my choices do not cause me to take the 40 year route… I’m good with 11 days or less!  And so I will praise God for the provision and the desert!

Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above. Coming down from Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created.  James 1:16 & 17

TCK and what does this mean for us? (3 weeks in Guatemala)

We are now among those who know what TCK’s are.  Third Culture Kids.  Our kids have just begun the journey because we are raising them in a culture that is not their own, and not their parents.  They will become what is called a Third Culture Kid.

Raising our children in a culture that is not their own, and not ours brings certain advantages, and certain challenges (according to the experts). What exactly does this mean for us? 

*They will be bilingual. Potentially multilingual… this can be a disadvantage educationally because although they will be able to socially get along just fine and seem fluent to most.  When it comes to a Spanish education they could easily be challenged.  It takes 7-10 years to become academically fluent!

*They will posses Cross-cultural skills!... however this can lead to a rootlessness.  Many TCK's just don’t feel like they belong in either culture.  We have and will continue to teach our kids that their identities are to be found in Christ, in who God made them.  Not in a culture.

*They will have an expanded world view… this can lead to unease in both cultures.

*They will be more mature… this causes them to be “out of phase” developmentally. (This same thing happens when you have an older child due to a summer birthday in a class full of kids younger. We have already experienced this… it leads to an awkward feeling.)

*They will have a pre-disposition toward new experiences! Adventurous!... This can produce a double whammy.  TCK’s can seem arrogant & some have a hard time settling in.

*They will be independent & resourceful… this can lead to insecurity in relationships, and difficulty maintaining long relationships.

*They will make friends quickly (they have no choice)… this leads to superficial or transient friendships (this is not a result of making friends quickly, but in the TCK’s world they could be moving or their friends could be moving anytime… so it stinks to have your heart broken again and again by losing good friends again and again. Mourning the loss and missing is part of the process.)

*They will have strong ties to their nuclear family… weaker ties extended family (obvious reasons).

*Their patriotism will be more intellectual than emotional.

*They will be less materialistic (over time).

I just received this list. I love this list. With every good thing come certain challenges.  I feel blessed… nothing on this list overly concerns me. These are things we will keep in mind as we grow. These are things my kids will understand and use to strengthen them as they grow.  The surprising yet comforting thing about this list is that I already see most every one of these characteristics in my children.  I see this list as a list of strengths as I raise them to maneuver through the challenges of each area. I believe with every strength comes a weakness. It is our job to recognize these weaknesses and not allow them to overtake the strength given. 

Weakness seams to often come in the form of a feeling…

One of the wisest things my mother ever said to me was “feelings are neither right or wrong… it’s what you do with them!” Clearly we cannot choose all our feelings and it is what we do with those feelings we encounter as we grow that makes them “right or wrong”. 

Raising our children in a culture that is not their own, and not ours brings certain advantages, and certain challenges (according to the experts).  I WILL ASK AGAIN....  What exactly does this mean for us? 

If you are one of the many who pray for us and keep us on the field emotionally… please pray through each of the characteristics above. Pray that our kids are strengthened with each!

*Instead of having “academic issues” due to a new language. We pray that our kids will love and embrace learning.

*Instead of feeling “rootless”. We pray that our kids will fully know their identity is in Christ and never feel as though they don't belong.

*Instead of an “unease in both cultures”. We pray that our kids will love and cherish both!

*Instead of “appearing arrogant”.  We pray our kids will communicate their values and experiences in a way others can learn and enjoy!

*Instead of “having a hard time settling in”. We pray that our kids will find comfort in Christ wherever they are.

*Instead of “insecure relationships & superficial friendships”. We pray that our kids will maintain great friends even over time and distance. We pray that they will be able to fully grieve the loss of relationships and find closure.

*Instead of “weaker ties to extended family”. We pray that our kids  will love the ties we do have and recognize them as gifts along the journey!

*We pray their patriotism will be true and at their core.  We and they are blessed to be Americans!

*& yes we pray they will be less materialistic... materialism is just another form of idolatry that we are all so easily sucked into. 

“FEELINGS ARE NEITHER RIGHT OR WRONG… IT’S WHAT YOU DO WITH THEM!” so regardless of how our circumstances make us feel I pray that our choices create strength!

side note:

I'm missing Colorado tonight... I think it is because a team from our home Church is arriving in Guatemala tonight and they remind me of home. They are bringing treats and things from home!  I am excited to see them... and am so grateful that they brought our kids school supplies and peanut butter!  (BIG thank you to everyone who helped pack those bags!) We will have the pleasure of hosting one of the families at the end of this week in our home! We can't wait to hang out with them! (We are a little scrambled because we have only been in our home for 3 days!!) But we Love our new home :)

So to everyone in Colorado.... I MISS YOU!! XOXO

I Cried Today. (Day 5 in Guatemala)

I cried today. It was the strangest cry I have ever had. It came unexpected and as the tears flowed I was surprised how much I cared, how overwhelmingly important it was to me. They were tears of joy.  I think my maestro did not know what to do with me or what was happening.  I didn’t know what to do except for breath and cry.

Long before I met George, before I married a Mexican man.  Before my children were children of color. Before I knew the life I know now.  I wanted my children to speak Spanish.

Today I knew that my kids would speak Spanish and it snuck up on me.  We each had individual teachers and we were spread around this room at little tables learning Spanish.  Then it happened, I suddenly heard sweet Gabriel speaking and repeating Spanish words behind me.  He and his teacher had moved directly behind me. I did not expect to hear him speak. I was concentrating on my own lesson.  Out of no where I heard a familiar voice a voice so dear using foreign words. I began to cry…

I surprised myself, my teacher just patted me. All our teachers are Spanish speakers. They do not know much English. I did not know how to tell her what was happening… I hardly knew what was happening.  I pieced together a few Spanish sentences that went something like this. “Es muy importante para yo. Mi ninos habla espanol.” I’m sure that is all wrong but she patted my shoulder and did her best to comfort me. 

Honestly I do not know why it is so important to me.  Perhaps because I struggled to learn Spanish in school, and I know that it is easier the younger you are.  Perhaps it is because it is part of my children’s heritage. Perhaps it’s because I know that it will carry them further.  It was and is a desire of my heart.

Psalms 37:4  Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

Muy importante.  It is very important.  Our children will proclaim the Gospel of Christ to the generations to come. Our children will minister to people in both languages. A second language is a gift from God!!

Mathew 7:11   If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

The Couch

It happens once in a while. I find myself with something important to get done so I have a cup of coffee late in the day in hopes that it will allow my candle to burn at both ends so that I can spend my evening getting it done.  I had that moment today.  We were to skype with some friends from Guatemala (we do every Monday evening… wouldn’t miss it), I was to go on a 5 mile training run for my ½ marathon that is sneaking up way too fast.  And I was suppose to go to a friends house and sort a mailing (a part time job we have done once a month for the past 15+ years… this will be the last month I ever do them.)  All three of these activities were to happen around 9pm tonight. So I drank a cup of coffee… yumm… I do like coffee. I rescheduled the 5 miles for 6:45 in the morning. Around 8:30 as we were getting ready to skype I decided to sort a mailing tomorrow afternoon, because my candle did not light and I was tired.  However it is now 12:18 am and I cannot sleep. Thank you coffee. Four hours too late!! When will I ever learn this lesson.

What does this have to do with the couch?  Normally on a night that I cannot sleep I take a hot bath and snuggle down on the couch with a book.  We have no couch.  We use to have 3-4 options in couch like pieces of furniture that would be good to snuggle down on.  Everything is sold. So I am sitting on the carpet thinking of all the things I could and should do.  I hate to waist sleep so if I can’t get some I try to use the awake time wisely.  Tonight I chose to blog about the couch I don’t have. I am not sure this is a wise use of my time. 

I am going to try to go back to bed!   

A Scrape on my Shell - by Cecilia

Life. It’s hard to explain right now. Here are a few words that might start to touch it. 

Life - chaotic, perfect, clear, foggy, puzzle-piece-ish, leaf-like, life.  Chaos is everywhere. Homework is piling up like never-ending leaves on a windy, fall day.  My home is filled with a new feeling; it’s never in the same place.  Moving furniture used to be like a once-a-month thing, but now it’s more like every day. We got rid of a couch. Dad’s desk is in the dining-room, Demar’s room is filled with donated suitcases. Two TV’s are gone, one is in the garage, the other is… I don’t even know. My shelves are empty, I only have twenty books, and it seems like the house is hatching piles of things – to – get – rid – of.  At the same time, the dusty air is full of perfection.  I thank God a lot more often, now.  I talk to Him and say that this exactly where I want to be.  My parents aren’t getting divorced, my dad hasn’t just come home from a 10-month military tour, I have three wonderful siblings, I don’t live in an old-person-trailer park, my dog didn’t get taken away for being aggressive, I haven’t been to six different schools, I don’t have the pressure of being the popular girl.  No, that’s not me.  I’m moving across the world, yes, even I think it’s a crazy move, but the silver lining is that I’m actually doing it for God.  It’s clear.  I know why God made me. I know I’m a writer, I know why I care for the bully in my school, or the weird-kid that doesn’t talk much.  I know now why, from the start, a bible has been on my bookshelf.  I know now why I love adventure.  I know now exactly why I am who I am, but it is so dang foggy.  I feel like sometimes life makes me want to put my head into my little turtle shell.  I want to push all my emotions out.  When I am confused about Guatemala or insecure, or sad, or lonely, or shoved in the dark, or even just plain tired of all the energy life takes, I can’t just shove it all out of my face.  All of these feelings are becoming part of me.  They are a scrape on my little turtle shell.  A scrape that I will always treasure and keep.  One that even on those autumn days when the leaves seem to never stop falling I can look all around me and think, and know inside my heart that this is who I am. I am a part of God’s puzzle.  One little puzzle piece, one that only paints a stroke of the picture.  Only one little mark, but in every picture the work is complete.  There isn’t a hole where someone is left out.  And I am one of the pieces that makes the puzzle complete.  I am that leaf of that sacred tree which blows in the wind.  I am a little piece, but that doesn’t stop me from completing the picture.  Life: Chotic, perfect, clear, foggy, puzzle-piece-ish, leaf-like, life.

Ponder this!

A few weeks ago the kids & I were able to spend a night at our oldest daughter Demar’s apartment in Colorado Springs. While we were there Demar needed to give me a practice physical for one of her nursing classes. I eagerly volunteered… a free health exam, from a trusted nurse? I am in! I can’t remember every evaluation she did or every question she asked, honestly I probably was not paying very close attention to her with the other 3 crazies running around her small apartment. But at some point she asked me what my stress level was. I gave my usual answer to this question and said I had none. This was honest and true. I felt great. Demar suddenly changed from her nursing demeanor and became my loving 21 year old daughter. She asked in a rather strong and inquisitive voice… “How is that possible? Vonda you are moving half way across the world, selling everything and taking your three little kids… how can you not be stressed?”

I have thought about that moment several times over the past two months, and even more over the past two days. I can say now just 3 months before our estimated departure date that stress is starting to creep in. The lists are getting longer. Taking one day at a time is getting harder. The reality of this decision is becoming clearer, and so the stress is starting to creep in. I have kept it at bay longer than most would have… and I will continue to fight it and live at peace admits the storm, the stretch, the lack of time, the desire for clearer direction. Oh just writing it out makes my heart jump…. So here is how I will do it, here is how I paddle forward without breaking down. My answer is found in this one simple word:

Ponder:

To consider something deeply and thoroughly; meditate (often followed by over or upon).

I think this must be my favorite word in the bible. Such a simple verb used in the most profound moment. Right after Mary was told she would give birth, a virgin birth to the savior of the world she did not panic or run or become overwhelmed with the CRAZY possibilities of the impossible word she just received. No, instead the scripture says “Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart” –Luke 2:19. As I think of her example in my life to ponder often means to act like a lady, calm & poised… she thought it through. We don’t even know her thoughts, but we sense her peace, her quiet spirit. Her grace and beauty as the mother of Jesus the Lord and savior… her act of ponder was simple and profound. I just love it!

So as I did the day I knew we would move to Guatemala… before George even told me we should. I will continue to ponder this season of our life. To fully grasp every moment on this journey between here and there I need to ponder.

Proverbs 4:26 says “Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure” and then Proverbs 5:6 says “she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wonder, and she does not know it”

I chose to ponder…. Psalms 77:12 says “I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.”

I hope each of you are well and you take time to ponder what God is doing in your life.

When you have the time you can see more of what we are doing at http://www Godcalledus.com

These three months will be gone before we know it… each day is precious and I pray they are used just as God desires! Keep us in your prayers and send us some comments. We love to hear from you!

Blessings,

Vonda

Dear Mom and Dad,

Dear Mom and Dad: feeling good!

Today is a great day. Have a list of exciting things to do! As you know the house is under contract… yippee… continuing to pray that the contract has favor with the banks and that it moves quickly. The “quickly” part is for my selfish peace of mind… so I am also in need of patience! This house will tell its story & I look forward to it!

My list:

1. Check on getting our passports renewed!

2. Get my drivers license renewed. It expires this November… good thing I noticed. Apparently that is all I need to drive in Guatemala… along with some serious bravery (looking forward to the traffic)!

3. Find my immunization records!

4. Continue filling out the kids applications for school in Guatemala!!

5. Continue filling out our application for CTEN (a missionary organization that will help us with our support!)

6. Take the kids to get their shots!

The list is exciting because all these things will bring us that much closer…

Have a great day!