Avoiding the Desert!

I have not written in a while.  I have not written because I have been avoiding something. I didn’t know how to put into words what I was avoiding, and well, I was not proud of how I felt… the feeling brought me to tears.   So I have done my best to avoid it.  Because we are away… few knew I was struggling. George could see right through me… and it frustrated him.  Why would I cry?

It has taken me over 4 ½ weeks to wrap my head around my tears. It has consumed my heart and my quiet times… which have been impossible to find.  I could blame it on the move. However the move has not been that hard.  I love it here, and do not miss Colorado.  Things are different, very different… but for me and my family a good different that we are embracing and loving.

The truth is… I have been discontent and frustrated. And if I was honest with anyone I would cry… I have been wanting more… and feeling stuck. I was not happy and finally because I asked for His help.  I felt God whisper “…stop avoiding the desert, I am providing.  You know it and you see it.” What desert you ask?  The space between today (or 4 ½ weeks ago) and the Promise Land of sorts.  It is hard to talk about because I will probably cry and it feels wrong to call what I am doing with my life right now, the desert. I am learning to find my comfort in God and His provision and not in how I feel or where I wish I was!

In the book of Exodus, the Israelites were headed to the Promise Land after being freed from slavery.  To get to the Promise Land they had to go through the desert. With each need, God was faithful.  Cloud by day, fire by night, manna and quail to name a few.  Really they had all they needed to get through the desert comfortably.  At the end of the day I don’t think they were really ever complaining about the lack of comfort… they were complaining about the desert itself.  They wanted the Promise Land.  Funny part… they had never been to the Promise Land. I really don’t think they knew what they were missing (as I don’t!)  What they did know is that they did not like the desert… simply because it was not the Promise Land.  It was not good enough… it was not what they wanted. They wanted to avoid it and get to the Promise Land or go back to slavery… how sad is that?

How does this relate to me? First, I do believe my family has been brought out of a “captivity” of sorts to Guatemala. Second of all, I know deep in my spirit and heart that He has a “Promise Land” of sorts for us here.  I am not talking a life of earthy comfort… I am speaking of a place our souls rest at peace knowing we are serving in the place and with the people that God created us to. I know this because each time I catch a glimpse… I want to cry. I tear up… I desire more.  There is a place that will feel like it is meant for us even amongst the hard days, sick mornings and crazy unbelievable sights and sounds.

Let me tell you a few of the ways God has provided during this self called “desert”.  A home… we almost missed it and then we didn’t, God had our backs and we have the home we prayed for.  It is just big enough with comfortable beds and plenty of water… hot, cold and filtered (a blessing you would understand if you lived here).  Our neighborhood is safe, reasonably quiet (aside from the dogs, roosters, and fireworks… it just wouldn’t be Guatemala without those) and it seems we mostly have Guatemalans for neighbors.  That is what we wanted! It has at least 3 tiendas (little stores… with almost everything… kind of like a 7-11 in someone’s garage… again very Guatemalan and very convent!)  Our home is less than 4 minutes from our school.  The school is small.  230ish students k-12.  Our kids all have less than 20 students in their classes.  It reminds me of Elbert School (where I grew up) only it is a Christian school.  I believe in and am thankful for the public education that we all received in Colorado… but the kids actually breathe easier knowing that every one values Christ as they do.  It is beautiful to see a bible on the supply list and watch my kids enjoy bible class.  They love their new school. I have also been blessed with a full time position at the school.  If you know me well you know I LOVE BEING WITH MY KIDS… so I spend most of my days helping all the elementary teachers however they need me to.  I am an elementary aide.  I also help in yearbook, and have been challenged to teach a photography class to middle school kids.  I suppose all of this may not seem so miraculous.  However they are blessings and just what we prayed for.  On the flip side we have seen true miracles too… not everyone gets lost in Guatemala City with their kids and finds a safe way out (a long crazy story for another day)… thank you Jesus.  And not everyone goes down a mountain side and has an urge to stop just before the steepest part only to get back in the car and find out that the brakes are gone.  God is faithful we see his mercy and protection and provision daily. 

I am just like those Isrealites. God has provided, I see it everywhere… However I know there is more and I want to be their not here. “Lord Forgive me… have mercy and please forgive me!”

Did you know that the Israelites could have shortened that 40 year trip through the desert to less than 11 days?  I think that is crazy… On a HUGE scale I have heard it said that life on earth is our desert and heaven is our Promise Land. On a small scale I feel like I am in my own little desert amongst all the amazing provision… waiting for the Promise Land. Will it take me less than 11 days or 40 years?

“Lord I thank you for the Promise Land… it keeps me pressing for more of you and your perfect will.  Lord I thank you for the desert for it is here that I know you provide!”

What I know is that it doesn’t matter if it is me, or you, or the Israelites.  You cannot get to the Promise Land without traveling through the desert! It is my prayer that my choices do not cause me to take the 40 year route… I’m good with 11 days or less!  And so I will praise God for the provision and the desert!

Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above. Coming down from Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created.  James 1:16 & 17

TCK and what does this mean for us? (3 weeks in Guatemala)

We are now among those who know what TCK’s are.  Third Culture Kids.  Our kids have just begun the journey because we are raising them in a culture that is not their own, and not their parents.  They will become what is called a Third Culture Kid.

Raising our children in a culture that is not their own, and not ours brings certain advantages, and certain challenges (according to the experts). What exactly does this mean for us? 

*They will be bilingual. Potentially multilingual… this can be a disadvantage educationally because although they will be able to socially get along just fine and seem fluent to most.  When it comes to a Spanish education they could easily be challenged.  It takes 7-10 years to become academically fluent!

*They will posses Cross-cultural skills!... however this can lead to a rootlessness.  Many TCK's just don’t feel like they belong in either culture.  We have and will continue to teach our kids that their identities are to be found in Christ, in who God made them.  Not in a culture.

*They will have an expanded world view… this can lead to unease in both cultures.

*They will be more mature… this causes them to be “out of phase” developmentally. (This same thing happens when you have an older child due to a summer birthday in a class full of kids younger. We have already experienced this… it leads to an awkward feeling.)

*They will have a pre-disposition toward new experiences! Adventurous!... This can produce a double whammy.  TCK’s can seem arrogant & some have a hard time settling in.

*They will be independent & resourceful… this can lead to insecurity in relationships, and difficulty maintaining long relationships.

*They will make friends quickly (they have no choice)… this leads to superficial or transient friendships (this is not a result of making friends quickly, but in the TCK’s world they could be moving or their friends could be moving anytime… so it stinks to have your heart broken again and again by losing good friends again and again. Mourning the loss and missing is part of the process.)

*They will have strong ties to their nuclear family… weaker ties extended family (obvious reasons).

*Their patriotism will be more intellectual than emotional.

*They will be less materialistic (over time).

I just received this list. I love this list. With every good thing come certain challenges.  I feel blessed… nothing on this list overly concerns me. These are things we will keep in mind as we grow. These are things my kids will understand and use to strengthen them as they grow.  The surprising yet comforting thing about this list is that I already see most every one of these characteristics in my children.  I see this list as a list of strengths as I raise them to maneuver through the challenges of each area. I believe with every strength comes a weakness. It is our job to recognize these weaknesses and not allow them to overtake the strength given. 

Weakness seams to often come in the form of a feeling…

One of the wisest things my mother ever said to me was “feelings are neither right or wrong… it’s what you do with them!” Clearly we cannot choose all our feelings and it is what we do with those feelings we encounter as we grow that makes them “right or wrong”. 

Raising our children in a culture that is not their own, and not ours brings certain advantages, and certain challenges (according to the experts).  I WILL ASK AGAIN....  What exactly does this mean for us? 

If you are one of the many who pray for us and keep us on the field emotionally… please pray through each of the characteristics above. Pray that our kids are strengthened with each!

*Instead of having “academic issues” due to a new language. We pray that our kids will love and embrace learning.

*Instead of feeling “rootless”. We pray that our kids will fully know their identity is in Christ and never feel as though they don't belong.

*Instead of an “unease in both cultures”. We pray that our kids will love and cherish both!

*Instead of “appearing arrogant”.  We pray our kids will communicate their values and experiences in a way others can learn and enjoy!

*Instead of “having a hard time settling in”. We pray that our kids will find comfort in Christ wherever they are.

*Instead of “insecure relationships & superficial friendships”. We pray that our kids will maintain great friends even over time and distance. We pray that they will be able to fully grieve the loss of relationships and find closure.

*Instead of “weaker ties to extended family”. We pray that our kids  will love the ties we do have and recognize them as gifts along the journey!

*We pray their patriotism will be true and at their core.  We and they are blessed to be Americans!

*& yes we pray they will be less materialistic... materialism is just another form of idolatry that we are all so easily sucked into. 

“FEELINGS ARE NEITHER RIGHT OR WRONG… IT’S WHAT YOU DO WITH THEM!” so regardless of how our circumstances make us feel I pray that our choices create strength!

side note:

I'm missing Colorado tonight... I think it is because a team from our home Church is arriving in Guatemala tonight and they remind me of home. They are bringing treats and things from home!  I am excited to see them... and am so grateful that they brought our kids school supplies and peanut butter!  (BIG thank you to everyone who helped pack those bags!) We will have the pleasure of hosting one of the families at the end of this week in our home! We can't wait to hang out with them! (We are a little scrambled because we have only been in our home for 3 days!!) But we Love our new home :)

So to everyone in Colorado.... I MISS YOU!! XOXO