Avoiding the Desert!

I have not written in a while.  I have not written because I have been avoiding something. I didn’t know how to put into words what I was avoiding, and well, I was not proud of how I felt… the feeling brought me to tears.   So I have done my best to avoid it.  Because we are away… few knew I was struggling. George could see right through me… and it frustrated him.  Why would I cry?

It has taken me over 4 ½ weeks to wrap my head around my tears. It has consumed my heart and my quiet times… which have been impossible to find.  I could blame it on the move. However the move has not been that hard.  I love it here, and do not miss Colorado.  Things are different, very different… but for me and my family a good different that we are embracing and loving.

The truth is… I have been discontent and frustrated. And if I was honest with anyone I would cry… I have been wanting more… and feeling stuck. I was not happy and finally because I asked for His help.  I felt God whisper “…stop avoiding the desert, I am providing.  You know it and you see it.” What desert you ask?  The space between today (or 4 ½ weeks ago) and the Promise Land of sorts.  It is hard to talk about because I will probably cry and it feels wrong to call what I am doing with my life right now, the desert. I am learning to find my comfort in God and His provision and not in how I feel or where I wish I was!

In the book of Exodus, the Israelites were headed to the Promise Land after being freed from slavery.  To get to the Promise Land they had to go through the desert. With each need, God was faithful.  Cloud by day, fire by night, manna and quail to name a few.  Really they had all they needed to get through the desert comfortably.  At the end of the day I don’t think they were really ever complaining about the lack of comfort… they were complaining about the desert itself.  They wanted the Promise Land.  Funny part… they had never been to the Promise Land. I really don’t think they knew what they were missing (as I don’t!)  What they did know is that they did not like the desert… simply because it was not the Promise Land.  It was not good enough… it was not what they wanted. They wanted to avoid it and get to the Promise Land or go back to slavery… how sad is that?

How does this relate to me? First, I do believe my family has been brought out of a “captivity” of sorts to Guatemala. Second of all, I know deep in my spirit and heart that He has a “Promise Land” of sorts for us here.  I am not talking a life of earthy comfort… I am speaking of a place our souls rest at peace knowing we are serving in the place and with the people that God created us to. I know this because each time I catch a glimpse… I want to cry. I tear up… I desire more.  There is a place that will feel like it is meant for us even amongst the hard days, sick mornings and crazy unbelievable sights and sounds.

Let me tell you a few of the ways God has provided during this self called “desert”.  A home… we almost missed it and then we didn’t, God had our backs and we have the home we prayed for.  It is just big enough with comfortable beds and plenty of water… hot, cold and filtered (a blessing you would understand if you lived here).  Our neighborhood is safe, reasonably quiet (aside from the dogs, roosters, and fireworks… it just wouldn’t be Guatemala without those) and it seems we mostly have Guatemalans for neighbors.  That is what we wanted! It has at least 3 tiendas (little stores… with almost everything… kind of like a 7-11 in someone’s garage… again very Guatemalan and very convent!)  Our home is less than 4 minutes from our school.  The school is small.  230ish students k-12.  Our kids all have less than 20 students in their classes.  It reminds me of Elbert School (where I grew up) only it is a Christian school.  I believe in and am thankful for the public education that we all received in Colorado… but the kids actually breathe easier knowing that every one values Christ as they do.  It is beautiful to see a bible on the supply list and watch my kids enjoy bible class.  They love their new school. I have also been blessed with a full time position at the school.  If you know me well you know I LOVE BEING WITH MY KIDS… so I spend most of my days helping all the elementary teachers however they need me to.  I am an elementary aide.  I also help in yearbook, and have been challenged to teach a photography class to middle school kids.  I suppose all of this may not seem so miraculous.  However they are blessings and just what we prayed for.  On the flip side we have seen true miracles too… not everyone gets lost in Guatemala City with their kids and finds a safe way out (a long crazy story for another day)… thank you Jesus.  And not everyone goes down a mountain side and has an urge to stop just before the steepest part only to get back in the car and find out that the brakes are gone.  God is faithful we see his mercy and protection and provision daily. 

I am just like those Isrealites. God has provided, I see it everywhere… However I know there is more and I want to be their not here. “Lord Forgive me… have mercy and please forgive me!”

Did you know that the Israelites could have shortened that 40 year trip through the desert to less than 11 days?  I think that is crazy… On a HUGE scale I have heard it said that life on earth is our desert and heaven is our Promise Land. On a small scale I feel like I am in my own little desert amongst all the amazing provision… waiting for the Promise Land. Will it take me less than 11 days or 40 years?

“Lord I thank you for the Promise Land… it keeps me pressing for more of you and your perfect will.  Lord I thank you for the desert for it is here that I know you provide!”

What I know is that it doesn’t matter if it is me, or you, or the Israelites.  You cannot get to the Promise Land without traveling through the desert! It is my prayer that my choices do not cause me to take the 40 year route… I’m good with 11 days or less!  And so I will praise God for the provision and the desert!

Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above. Coming down from Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created.  James 1:16 & 17